


When I Stop to Think About it

by Candace_X_Chambers



Category: Professional Wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Depression, M/M, Seth's Betrayal, Suicidal Thoughts, inner thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-21
Updated: 2015-09-15
Packaged: 2018-03-14 08:20:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3403589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Candace_X_Chambers/pseuds/Candace_X_Chambers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The three (former) members of the Shield's thoughts about their self implosion.</p><p>Dean can't live a life without Seth, so he does the thing that makes the most sense.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello, everyone! I hope you're all having a pleasant day wherever and whenever this may find you.**

**My song, currently, for the Shield is I Hate Everything About You by Three Days Grace because Roman and Dean despise Seth for betraying them, but they never stopped loving him. So, it only made sense to make a fic named after a line from the song.**

**This doesn't contain any dialogue. Except at the very end, but it's like literally the last sentence. This contains Roman's thoughts about Seth's betrayal, and I'll do each member of the Shield. I don't know maybe I'll write more in this verse. I haven't decided yet.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anyone or anything in this fic. All characters are members of the WWE. I make no money off of this. If you have arrived here by Googling someone yourself or someone you're friends with, I suggest finding the nearest back button.**

___________________________________________________________

Roman Reigns doesn't take lightly to liars.

Especially when that liar is someone he loves - loved - loves? - as his own brother, that he'd literally die for

When he fell into the ropes, Seth Rollins broke a lot more than just his back that night.

Rollins had always been his favorite brother, if he had to choose. (Sometimes Dean was just a bit to much or a smartass and his snarky remarks got under his skin from time to time.) But, Seth? No, no. Seth never made Roman irritated (except that one time that Rollins walked in on him in the shower, but the younger man gave him the puppy dog eyes and he never even got made). Seth liked to listen to metalcore and hard rock (both of which neither Dean or Roman liked but listened to in order to humor their youngest brother - they secretly found it charming and cute as hell) his two toned hair flopping around as he banged his head. He was always moving - whether it be jumping, running, , or exercising moving his mouth a mile a minute. The only time he stopped was when he was pressed between his two brothers, fast asleep.

(It's one of the many reasons Roman loves him.)

The Shield did everything together. Ate meals, traveled, sang, argued, slept in the same bed. And, miraculously, Seth was in the middle of it all. Quite frankly, he loved all the attention, and they love giving it to him. Just to see him smile.

Seth quite literally did everything - there was a reason people called him the 'architect'. He cooked for them when he had the chance, he'd always sing the loudest (in his admittedly horrible yet extremely adorable voice), and he made sure when they fought they never got to violent.

But now, he's gone and there's no one there to fill he void.

(It's one of the many reasons Roman hates him.)

Roman hasn't gotten much sleep since that fateful night , when Seth turned his back on them. His mind is overactive, wondering. It's like a never ending spiral of unanswered questions that keep playing, like a broken record, over and over again in his mind. When did it all go wrong? Was it ever real? Was it all just an act? Were they just a stepping stool for Seth's career?

Why didn't Seth tell them?

That's the main one Roman is stuck on. Why hadn't Seth told them?

Or maybe he had? Maybe he had been saying it all along. He just never used his words. He just went through the motions with them. They never meant anything to him.

Could they really just have been business partners?

Roman knows that, somewhere down the line, they would've broken up. Years from now, when they knew the Shield was done and it was time to move into individuals competition, they would part on a mutual agreement. On camera, maybe one would've betrayed the other. Maybe Seth. Maybe Dean. Maybe Roman himself. But they would have made sure everyone was alright with it. They'd still travel together, still sing and argue. Maybe they'd share a hotel room - a bed - together from time to time. At the end of the day, they'd still be friends.

But now he can't even think about Seth without his eyes burning and throat clenching up.

When Roman is feeling the most hurt, he tells himself it's for the best. They don't need Seth Rollins. He and Dean are so much better off without that two toned weasel. Roman knows he can trust Dean, and Dean knows he can trust Roman. They don't need anyone else there. Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose are indestructible on their own. Seth Rollins is a sleazy, conniving, backstabbing, piece of shit. Fuck him, they never loved him, just like he never loved them.

Those are also the times when, in the car, he turns around to check on Seth to find their brother missing. Or when, before his match, he turns to Seth to do their ritual fistbump to find his tag partner absent. Or when, after his Royal Rumble victory, he goes to the locker room, expecting a big hug from his two favorite people, but neither of them are to be found. Or when, after Seth wins the Money in the Bank, he goes to text Rollins a congratulations only to remember the manner in which Seth won and the reason he was even in the match.

What hurts the deepest is, is when Roman wakes up to an empty bed. On instinct, he stretches his arm out, expecting it to land on two sleeping bodies. But instead finds that the sheets are cold an empty. He rises, expecting Dean to be showering and Seth quietly ordering room service like the sweetheart that he is, tiptoeing around the room so he wouldn't wake the Samoan as he got their things together. He's barely on his feet when everything hits him at once, and he remembers that no one is in his room. Dean tends to sleep in his car, claiming that the closeness sharing a room brings is way to intimate than what he could handle right now. And Seth - _Rollins_ , Roman reminds himself - is enjoying a huge, fluffy bed in a luxury suite paid by the Authority. 

It's been months since the Shield exploded from the inside out. They've all moved on, so to speak. Seth is the Money in the Bank contract holder, sniffing out his best moment to cash in. Dean is fighting for the Intercontinental championship, subsequently feuding with Bad News Barrett. And Roman is preparing himself for Fastlane, where he'll go one-on-one with Daniel Bryan and (hopefully) onto Wrestlemania where he'll battle Brock Lesnar for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. 

Why can't he mentally move on? 

Will he ever?

Romano's phone buzzes from his spot on the end table. Rubbing his tired eyes, he sees it's from Dean and instantly opens the text.

_can't do it anymore. sorry brother_

His heart beat picking up, he makes a hasty decision. He knows he won't be able to help Dean, never has been able to fully. But he isn't sure his other option will be better. Still, he dials the number he swore to forget but is forever ingrained in his memory.

"Go to room 609. Now."

___________________________________________________________

**A/N: I really hope you guys like this. This will also be posted on fanfiction.net when it decides to cooperate with me (it was originally supposed to be on there but I became frustrated and now it's on here). Please tell me what you think. All feedback is greatly appreciated. )))**

****For those who are reading my other Shield fic, don't worry. I'm still working on it.**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: I'm sorry for not posting in awhile. I've had some other fics taking up my time, but I'm going to do this chapter now. The next, and probably final, chapter will be posted whenever I get around to it. Please be patient with me.**

**The song for this fic is still I Hate Everything About You by Three Days Grace. But, for this chapter (and everything pertaining to Seth) the song is Sometimes Selling Out is Giving Up by Rise Against. (It used to be Architects by Rise Against, but, y'know what happened~)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anyone or anything in this fic. All characters used belong to the WWE. I make no money off of this.**

**Have a wonderful day.**

Chapter two:

In this industry, there are certain things you can't do. Drugs, steroids, and getting arrested are at the head of the list. Three things that will get you a suspension, maybe even fired if it's a repeat performance.

Falling in love with your tag partner won't ruin your career, per se, but it's definitely something you can't do.

Yet Seth does it, over, and over again.

First Marek - oh what a horrible disaster that had been -, then Jimmy. Both had been hard, and painful, but he got over them quickly once removed from their presence.

Dean was different. He disliked Ambrose from the moment he met him back in FCW. Once they became Shield brothers, he got to see a lighter, more fun side of Dean that he genuinely liked. They were close, barely ever spent a moment apart.

Seth hadn't noticed he was falling until he slid off the edge.

Hitting the bottom hadn't hurt so badly before

Marek had been bisexual, and Jimmy was completely gay. So, it wasn't hard for Seth to actually give himself hope that they could, one day, get together.

Dean's straight. Hit on multiple girls back in FCW, hooked up with so many during the Shield. He's not the jealous type. 

It hadn't bothered Seth at first

Until it did.

Around Extreme Rules 2013, Dean had gone out with this girl. Seth and Roman stated at the hotel. And it just... hurt. Down to his bones.

After months, and months of this, Seth found himself unable to handle it anymore, his skin prickling every time Dean even _mentioned_ finding himself a girl, to hook up with or date.

He saw red when he first met Renee, a girl Dean dated for a month.

He knew it was bad, falling for a straight guy. He had to get out - get out before it got worse, or he did something he'd regret.

(Spilling his unrequited love wouldn't be a great idea. Ever.)

When Triple H introduced him to Plan B, he knew he had to take it. It was his way out.

Feuding with Dean had been equally amazing and painful. He and Seth always had this connection in the ring that he never found elsewhere. He can't even explain how well they matched up.

It hurt seeing Dean everyday. Missing the man he used to call his brother. The love hadn't gone away, it only festered. A dark hole where his heart used to be ached every time he found blue eyes looking at him like he was a disease. 

Dean would never understand that he _had_ to do this. He couldn't take living in a place where he was always hurting.

( **But the pain hasn't stopped**

Maybe it never will. Maybe he'll always be in agonizing pain because his heart is a traitor.)

Every night, when he's alone, he stares at his phone for hours. Hoping one day they'd call, say they need him. That they forgive him without him ever saying sorry.

Realistically, he knows it'll never happen. He knows they'll always hate him, always look at him with scorn. He has no special place in their heart, not anymore. (He wonders if they ever did.)

Dean's moved on, Roman's moved on. Seth hasn't.

Doesn't think he ever will.

He's given up. He doesn't want to do this anymore. He wants to run back to his brothers, run into their arms, and apologize until he can't breath.

Not breathing. That sounds wonderful.

(What's the point of living, if he has to take breaths to stay?)

Tonight, Seth had been close to saying fuck it all and do - do something to make it all stop.

Then his phone rings (the Shield theme song coming through his speakers, another mechanism to torture himself) and a number he's been praying to see pop up.

He answers immediately.

"Go to room 609. Now."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I've been meaning to update this for a REALLY long time, I just haven't gotten around to it until now. I'm so terrible at updating, ugh. If you're a fan of mine, thank you for sticking around. I know it can be tough.**

**Anyways, here's the last chapter of this fic. I hope you all enjoy and have a box of tissues ready.**

Chapter Two:

Rope.

Dean has a rope in his hand, one thought in his mind. The question remaining is, should he do it? Should he fight through the misery like he always does? It'd be the right thing to do, at least for Roman. He already lost one brother, losing the other would be hard.

Rome has a surplus of family though, so he wouldn't be too down for too long...

How is he supposed to live a life without Seth? Seth is his light at the end of the tunnel, his ray of sunshine, his.. his...

Everything.

What had he done to make Seth hate him so? He didn't act on his feelings, he didn't express them in any manner. He'd been a supporting, yet lovingly annoying, brother.

Was that what it was? Was all the teasing and the jokes and the horseplay not what Seth wanted? Had he wanted a normal friendship that didn't protrude the boundaries as theirs often did?

What if this was entirely Dean's fault? He pushed his baby brother away and now there's no going back.

His fingers tighten around the rope, anger bubbling up inside of him.

Somehow this entire mess is something he caused. He'd been the one to suggest forming a tag team with Seth back in FCW (though Seth did create the Shield. Dean will give him that), so he let himself get involved right there.

He should've listened to his gut, he should've stayed far, far away from Seth Rollins and never dare gone close.

But he had. He let the lines between life and work blur because he's so stupidly in love.

Look at him now. A heavily broken heart, shattered beyond repair, and questioning whether he deserves to have a spot on this Earth anymore.

The only reason he's still here is because of Roman. He doesn't want to hurt his big brother, but he wants to stop the aching in his chest, the repeating video of June second that's going on in his head needs to stop. It needs to happeb soon, because he can't take much more.

Maybe he's also staying for Seth. They've known each other for three or four years now, right? 2011, Dean's FCW debut, to the present. He must've had some form of impact on Seth's life, however minimal, and he'd hate to hurt the one he loves.

(Clearly that isn't reciprocated.)

All of this could've been avoided if they just lost one god damn match to Evolution, you know? Roman even said it beforehand. That Triple H is our boss and we should take it easy on them.

Dean told him to fuck off with that crazy shit. It was a war they were destined to win, and they'd walk out without casualties.

Didn't work out very well.

In hindsight, at least Seth will have a place in history. The Authority will help him go onto win big matches, titles, and everything in between.

Isn't that what Seth always wanted? To be a big shot? To be in the history books?

Well, he'll be there soon enough. It's a shame Dean won't be there to see it.

He squeezes his eyes shut as the sound of the steel chair smacking against Roman's back rings through his ears again, and again, and again, and again.

Hatred.

Brown eyes usually so warm, now so cold.

_What had I done?_

Eyes springing open, Dean grabs his phone and shoots Roman a text.

**can't do it anymore. sorry brother**

After all, it'd he rude to leave without some form of warning. Roman probably won't see it until tomorrow morning, wherever he is.

Dean twists the rope around in his hands, checking its sturdiness. He hasn't actually thought about this part of the plan, where he was supposed to hang. Maybe there's a window that'll work, or a tree outside.

He goes over the window and looks outside, he doesn't see a tree and the window is too low.

He walks into the bathroom. Possibly, if he angles it right, he could use the shower rod. That would create enough elevation.

He ties a knot around the rod, and makes a circle big enough for his neck. He wraps it around and closes his eyes.

Time to say goodbye.

He hears the door crack open and Roman's frantic voice, but it's an illusion. He knows it is. His mind is fucking with him again.

If Seth could pretend he didn't care, so could Rome, right?

" _Dean._ "

His eyes pop open at the sound of Seth's voice. The Iowan is frantically prying the rope off of him, hands shaking. Roman comes up behind him.

"Oh Dean." The Samoan whispers.

"Why would you do this?" Seth asks, throwing the rope aside. "Why?"

"I love you." Dean replies, gazing into his eyes. "My everything."

Seth's face crumbles, and he runs his fingers through Dean's hair. Roman crouches down onto his other side 

"It's gonna be okay, Dean."

He knows it's not. But, for now, in his brother's arms, he can pretend it is.

Until Seth leaves again.


End file.
